I think from the 2 posts that I have written so far, I am making myself out to be a bit of a Taylor Swift. Anyway, I will continue with that today with my rant on mood swings. I swear my posts will get more sophisticated after this one…
Now, I’ve said before that I am an emotional person. And I had been on birth control a couple years ago and found myself to be overly emotional with uncontrollable mood swings, so I decided to go off of it. Unfortunately, I have had no choice but to go back on to it. It has been great in every way! Except for my hormonal outbursts of emotion.
It only happens for about 4-6 days a month where my emotions are literally turned upside-down topsy fucking turvy. I become another person. Ask my boyfriend. Okay don’t actually, but if you did, he would tell you I become pollo loco (crazy chicken). I know, that doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, I lose my shit.
My paranoia levels rise to that of an unstable person, and I am depressed about everything and its like there is an evil monkey sitting on my head shitting negative thoughts into my brain. I drown in my own despair about everything and manage to cry about anything imaginable. The worst part is I can feel myself being insane but I can’t make it stop, which only triggers more whaling in despair about how I can FEEL myself being insane and I can’t fix it.
For example, this morning, I was angry that I had to go take an hour and a half ferry ride to where my sister works to cover her shift for her when I already covered for her last week and she said it would just be one shift, and I was there visiting anyway so I didn’t mind. But I travelled the entire month of April and just wanted to stay HOME this weekend. So, I began to get ready and mope about the apartment because of how horrible my life is (exaggerate much?) when I found the backing to an earring on the table. I checked my ears and none were missing. My boyfriends mom had just stayed with us the week before, so it was hers, but I immediately lost my mind and began to bombard my boyfriend with questions, WHO’S EARRING IS THIS? WHY IS IT HERE? ITS NOT MINE SO WHO’S IS IT? Like a lunatic. He told me to calm down and I realized I was being craycray so I stormed back to the bedroom and began to cry, realizing that I was having an episode of hormonal overload explosion syndrome, and went to my boyfriend, who was of course playing FIFA, and cried to him saying what is wrong with me? He laughed and said why are you crying again? I wailed I DONT KNOW! and he ceased further questioning, obviously not wanting to deal with me, so I went back to the bedroom and cried further because my boyfriend wouldn’t pay attention to why I was being a deranged freak. After I cried it all out, he asked, Better now? I said marginally and I pouted for a while longer until I felt normal again.
I feel like this could be a scene out of rom com where like some pregnant woman is acting psycho to her husband and losing her marbles for no reason. And everyone would laugh and say wow fuckin’ hormonal women eh? Except that it legitimately happened and I am seriously alarmed at my mood swings. I shouldn’t call them swings they are more like spikes. Aggressive mood attacks causing self destruction. Yep. Thats a good name. They are ruining me and my relationships with not just my boyfriend but everyone. Boyfriend definitely gets the lion’s share of insanity, but its still affecting life on way too great of a scale. How do I stop them?
Feeling emotionally out of control is not a good feeling. Feeling excessive anger or sadness or paranoia is unhealthy. I find that exercise helps me clear my head, but sometimes I am too down in the dumps that I can’t make myself go exercise. Does anyone else feel crazy sometimes and unable to help themselves?
I love perceiving and understanding human emotions, so thanks for reading, or not!
bloglady5 